The Loss of a “sister”…

Hey guys,

Sorry I haven’t written in a while, I’ve been busy with school and family stuff. Anyway something has happened recently that’s gotten me pretty upset. A while back when my older brother was a lot younger and confused he did something to my best friend on a camping trip that she came with us on. What he did was inexcusable and caused a gigantic void in our friendship, even though I never found out it happened until two years after the fact. She never came over to my house after that, I always just went to hers and our parents fought over so many different things that both of our families became divided with each other while we kept trying to hold on to our friendship as best we could. I don’t know if this was because she still wanted to be my friend or out of obligation since I didn’t actually do anything wrong. I did find out from another friend later that she was thinking about no longer being friends with me right after it happened. In that situation I don’t know if that was her or her family speaking on the subject. The reason I bring this event up is because that happened almost 8-10 years ago and we’ve been BEST friends for nearly 13 years now. However, a few weeks ago she messages me over facebook and sends me this big long paragraph about how she went and talked to a spiritual guide (priest) which I think is a really good thing and found out that she hadn’t really dealt with the situation that happened with my brother.  This brought her to the conclusion that we should “take a break” from our friendship until she’s been able to deal with this. Again, I fully support that decision and I really do hope that she finds the closer or whatever it is that she needs. Like every situation though, I have my opinions. As I’ve said in a previous post she is like my un-biological sister and I miss her and the whole situation sucks more because I understand why she has to do this and would do the same thing in her position. I just hope that she will come back someday……soon. Although, I do hope that when she does it will be because she misses me too, but I have this aching feeling that she’s happier without me. She has a boyfriend who loves her and cares so much about her and is so strong in his faith and it’s so wonderful and she’s doing a bunch of great new things with her work and getting closer to her sisters……well…her REAL sisters….anyway I guess I should go on to my life of doing nothing but homework and missing everyone.

People Always Leave.

Thanks for listening…

Sara

The Realness of a tree

So what do you think of as a reason for wanting a real Christmas tree first….You think of maybe the person wants it for tradition’s sake first right? right, but why would you think of the pine smell first wtf is that about?? The reason I bring that up is because that’s exactly what my mother thought the reason was for why I wanted a real Christmas tree over a FAKE one. I mean what is Christmas without a REAL tree…oh it’s a FAKE CHRISTMAS!! DUH!!! Why is it that a real tree is all of a sudden sooo much to ask for!? I really just wish there was someone in my family who understood and didn’t hate my mother so much to tell her that and convince her that she is INSANE!!!! Thanks for listening…
Sara

The Loves of my life…

I have a HUGE family that is something that couldn’t be doubted by anyone, even if they wanted to. However, I don’t just mean that I have a big biological family, which I do, but I also have an even bigger un-biological family. I have the entire graduating class of ’09 from Trinity Grammar and Prep school, I have all my childhood friends, I have Claudia, but most of all I have the Coopers.
Bernadette has been my best friend since 4th Grade, I think I’ve said that before, and she is without a doubt my un-biological sister. We would spend every single day together and call/text each other if we couldn’t actually get to SEE each other. The thing about being friends with Bee and staying at her house a lot was that I didn’t just get a new friend or un-biological sibling, I got an entire un-biological family. Bee’s parents would treat me like one of their own and I would even help out with the Saturday clean up sometimes. I’m as close with the Cooper girls as they are with each other Monica, Hilary, Olivia, and Bee my un-biological sisters. Not just them though there was also the helping her brothers clean their room for 20 bucks. Ando and Gene’s room was ALWAYS a mess! We needed several garbage bags to clean it all up, but it was well worth the movie and treats we got with our 20 bucks . The room didn’t change much, cleanliness wise, when her youngest brother, Dale, took it over but since he couldn’t pay us we left the cleaning up to him. Whenever I was at the Coopers I always felt safe, welcome, and loved by all. Even now when she lives with Monica and Hilary in Davis I still feel that way. Especially when the three of them come down here and Claudia and I go over to her parents house to see Gene and his wife, Dianna, with their three kids over or even Ando and Rose with theirs. The whole house is filled with laughter and love and it is truly an amazing feeling to experience and be right in the middle of it all. Sometimes I wish I was biologically a Cooper, since my family is completely insane, but this is just as good. So thank you, Cooper Family, for being my incredibly awesome un-biological family. I honestly don’t know what my life would be now if you guys were never apart of it. Love you all! <3 Thanks for listening…
Sara

Spring Classes 2010

So the Spring Catalog came out for the 2010 semester at Napa Valley College. I haven’t even been able to finish this week of classes before my mom is on my ass about knowing what classes I’m gonna take. First of all I really want to take a lot of my classes with Claudia this semester since that would essentially be the only time I would get to see her. She comes back from El Salvador tomorrow. Gosh, she has such an amazing life and I don’t think she even realizes it. I mean think about it…she has 2 brothers who are always on her side (for the most part) no matter what. She has overprotective parents, but they love her and she is still as free as someone could get. She’s got all this family around that doesn’t make her feel like they are choking her. Now that’s probably because she doesn’t have quite as many people in her family as I do and one of her brothers is on the other side of the U.S., but still. The thing I admire most about her is that she has a job and a best friend she can count on whenever she needs someone to talk to (Bee) and she also knows what she wants to do with her life and she understands the college world and the people in it and she is surrounded by sooo many friends I’m almost jealous of her. I honestly do wish that my four brothers cared at least a little like they do in the movies where the brother and sister who are close in age are really really good friends….that doesn’t really happen in real life does it? I mean I’m not saying that my brothers are my enemies….they just aren’t really my friends like those movie-brothers are with their movie-sisters. Also, the movie-best friend. The person who somehow is actually able to leave whatever they are doing and go to their best friends’ aid whatever they need. Most people don’t have that ability and they are just stuck in whatever place they are just worrying and waiting…..I really hate worrying and waiting. Anyway it’s early…wow 1:30am…hmmm I really am worried about my life, which is probably why I can’t sleep. I’ve done nothing, but gone to school, hung out with Bee, and done my homework every school day until present. I have never had to do anything else so when I left Trinity and into the scary world of NVC, I did it alone because for some reason I don’t have the physical ability to be that person who can go to their friends and just talk to them about whatever is going on in your mind, even though I will gladly listen when they need to. It’s not that I don’t love my friends cause I really do I just don’t feel like I can talk to them about some things and then I don’t like talking to my parents about anything or my other family members. So at the end of the day all I have is me and no one else around to be that movie-best friend who waits on your front porch with a carton of your favorite ice cream and a sad movie on a hard day. Who will stay with you until you fall asleep and the one you know will always be there no matter what they will literally be right there beside you…..always. Thanks for listening

Sara

So This week kind of sucked!…

Monday 11/09: Today I had my History class where I got my mid-term back. Got a B+, which isn’t bad, but it’s not great. I hadn’t had coffee all day b/c we ran out the day before so I was already in kind of a dull, tired, and I had a huge headache. We had a break at the middle of class and Claudia and I went to the vending machine to get some coffee. I had remembered that she was leaving for El Salvador, where she has family, the next day so I wanted to hang out with her before she left. She said that we could for sure get together so that made my day a lot better. She needed to go home and pack and stuff so she left and asked me to sign the sign-in sheet and get her papers that she left on her desk. So we said goodbye and she left and I went back to class and finished listening to the old guy talk about american history that I learned three times.

Tuesday 11/10: Today I woke up once again without coffee so I was once again tired and groggy so I just stayed in my room until I had to take a shower and get ready for my Astronomy class. I went to class and listened to yet another boring old man speak to me about the moon. I had texted Claudia twice about meeting up and she hadn’t texted back so I figured we weren’t gonna get the chance to hang out before she left the country . This made me a little sad, but I understood that she needed to pack and spend time with her family so I didn’t really make a big deal about it. Bee usually comes on Thursdays for the Napa T.E.A. Party and I had asked her if she worked day or night on Wed. she said day so I asked her if she could come up early and we could go out to dinner and spend the night like old times. I had found a letter she wrote me when she moved which made me really sad cause I missed her a lot. She said she didn’t think she would be able to come on Wed. because Monica, her sister, worked with her and probably wouldn’t want to go. When my dad picked me up from class he said the mom wanted him to pick up togo’s and jamba juice for dinner. This made my day it was delicious.

Wednesday 11/11: My new phone was supposed to come yesterday or today, but it’s apparently still in Texas so It probabaly won’t come until tomorrow or the next day. Bee had told me she might not even get to come on Thursday because Hilary, her other sister, wasn’t feeling well so she might not be up to coming. I have a 5 page Research Paper to write for my career class next week and I have to write a 3 page essay for English class on Saturday. Yup hasn’t this week been awesome so far *sarcasm*. The only good thing about today is that my dad went to the store and got me coffee

Thanks for listening

Sara

The Truth About Kyle….

Ok so about 7 months ago I made the biggest mistake ever!! now it’s not one of those life changing ones that you have to have with you forever since in ended 2 months after it started. Truth be told I’m surprised it lasted that long. So In May of 2009 was my last month of high school and we went to Magic Mountain for our senior trip. You know Magic Mountain? It’s the Marine World/Discovery Kingdom/Six Flags only its 6 hours away and for some reason we needed to be there all day so we had to leave at 5am on a Saturday. That’s right for our senior trip we got to see what torture felt like, not that we didn’t know already. Anyway the worst part about it was that only 13 out of 14 people could go b/c my best friend, Claudia, only took three classes so they forgot to get her a ticket. However, once we got there and counted the tickets turned out we had two extras…fml! So we stay at the park until dinner time then we go to chili’s for dinner and for some reason a bunch of the adults wanna go back to the park even though the rest of us were pretty much done, so we do that and then end up finding a patch of grass and just sit there and relax until the park closes. At one point it was just Kyle and Me sitting on the grass while everyone else found something else to do. I’m not sure why I agreed, but for some reason I was giving him a back massage…While I was doing this he asked the question. “Do you like me?” ugh just my luck I just got told by another guy that he didn’t want to pursue anything with me b/c he liked another girl. Now the biggest creep in the world was asking me if I liked him and for some stupid reason I didn’t want to hurt his feelings so I said, “Ya, as a friend…” total lie! lol. And then he says the stupidest thing he could say, “Well I like you more than that and I’m not gonna stop trying to make you feel the same” Load of Crap for one thing and that was just perfect believe it or not I would’ve preferred you give up on me everyone else has given up on you…..including me! (Little harsh, but completely true!)
Lets get to my mistake. The next night he txted me to see if I wanted to go out and see a movie with him. For some stupid reason I thought he meant as friends, but I soon realized he saw it as our first date (Fuck my life!! ) So I say yes and the movie was great! next thing I know we are In A Relationship on facebook and I actually go out with him a bunch more times even though he treated me like shit and believe me I knew it. Now looking back I realize that I thought he was supposed to be God’s punishment for me being a huge bitch to people, not that it really stopped me, but that’s what I thought. However, I also think that I was just too big of a whimp to do anything about it or even break up with the guy. Which is why I waited 2 months and an eternity-long movie for him to break up with me. Which was the best day of my life! the second he stopped the car in front of my house I could not get out of that car fast enough and into the house to scream for joy!! then I looked in the fridge and found celebratory chocolate pie…(hmm, it’s like my family knew!) Thanks for listening.

Sara

At the risk of sounding emo…

…I have to say today has been a reflecting kind of a day. I’ve been thinking a lot about the fact that I’m 19, going to college, still lives at home since she has three on-the-verge-of-being-thrown-in-state-hospital-or-prison little brothers, my best friend lives an hour away and the one that lives in my town I never get to see, and it seems to me sometimes like they are better friends the I am with either one of them just because they work at the same place. Just because I don’t want to work at a fast food resturant shouldn’t mean that our friendship needs to fall apart like this…It’s really sad and kind of emo-sounding, but it’s not like I do this all the time and sometimes I feel like I am loosing them both and if that actually happens I will literally be ALONE in the world since nobody else really likes me in any kind of way….the only way I’ve ever made any friends is from knowing them since I was a little girl…I feel very lost and alone…hmm ew ok I’m done thinking about this I hate it when I start sounding like a green day song… so thanks for listening
Sara

Love, Hate, War & Peace

So today I was reading a blog from a friend of mine whose currently spending the next year in Iraq on his second tour. While I was reading it I started thinking about what people think about this war. I think that it’s stupid that we are still there and that we should have pulled out our troops a very very long time ago. Sometimes I can’t believe that it has actually been 8 years since this whole Iraq War started……8 years! World War II didn’t even last that long! I mean come on it’s not even a war it’s us sending our troops into a dangerous country where they protect and get killed by so many different people. I know you guys are probably thinking that I’m one of those people who think that I am one of those people who think that the U.S. should just mind there own business and not get in the middle of other countries problems. I think it’s good that we are trying to help them I just think that at some point we have to be able to say “I’m sorry we tried to help your country, but it’s about time you learned to defend it yourselves” and then teach a few of their high ranking military officers how to train their troops in a secure place and then slowly, but surely start calling back American troops and let them defend themselves!

People always talk about wanting world peace, but did anyone ever think that if we had world peace it was one of the signs of the apocalypse and if we had world peace our economy would simply fall apart. I think we should have world tolerance….I mean that’s not the same thing. World Tolerance is hating other countries without actually going to war with them or trading with them or being their ally. This can be a way of having hatred in the world without anyone having to die for that hatred. Not everybody can love everybody or even try. There are some people that don’t deserve to be loved, trusted, befriended, or even acknowledged as a person. Now this all depends on what kind of person they are and what they have done. Of course you can not love, trust, befriend, or acknowledge someone as a person and still pray for that person. Because you know that even though they are a bad person, something happened to them that made them that way. Sometimes they choose it and sometimes it’s forced upon them, but either way they still deserve our prayers because EVERYONE DESERVES A SECOND CHANCE.

Thanks for listening.

In case you want to hear about whats happening in Iraq first hand from an actual soldier that is currently on his second tour you can visit this blog: http://damieniniraq.wordpress.com/

Sara

The Peter Connelly Story

It was one in the morning when I saw that bright light coming out of my dark room. It was coming from my cell phone. I had forgotten I’d put it on silent. I picked it up and looked at it. It was a text from Hilary that said if I was up I should look at a post she put on facebook. I got out of bed and went into the other room to get my computer and brought it into my room where I turned it on and opened facebook. I found the post she wanted me to look at and clicked play to see this:

I was sobbing through this entire video. This was truly one of the saddest things I have ever seen or heard about. I immediately told this to Hilary in my response to her text. I then commented on facebook about it and another kid, whose pretty much an ass, started making fun of the people commenting about and posting this video, which I couldn’t believe. People can’t make fun of this stuff it’s not right! That brings me to my entire point of this DON’T ABUSE YOUR KIDS EVER! Even if you think it’s some kind of discipline, but it’s not! You have to find another way to make them listen. THERE IS ALWAYS ANOTHER WAY! please don’t let your child end up like Peter Connelly. please… Thanks for listening.

Sara

Free the Jailbird :/

So I moved to Napa in 1998 when I was eight years old. The first person I ever met was Cheryl, our next door neighbors. After that I met Justin Nimmer who lived down the street with his gandma and brother, Brandon. The only time in all the time that these other people lived on our street I was friends with Cheryl and Justin was friends with my brothers, but I hated both him and his brother. Every time he would come over I would close the door on him.
One time during my birthday party I had a bunch of my friends over to spend the night. We slept in the family room which had 2 windows on the far left wall of the room. At around one in the morning when we all had actually fallen asleep. My friend Julie was sleeping in our recliner and Justin came in through one of those windows, which were closer to the ground then otherwise so when he came in Julie saw him crawling on the ground and scared her to death. After this I disliked him even more and never let him anywhere near our house and told my parents to do the same. They tried and eventually my brothers became a little more mature than him so they stopped wanting to hang out with him. After several years of him coming over or not he went to live with his father who lived on the other side of town (YAY!!), but that didn’t work out and a few days later I heard he was sent to one of those shelters that take in teens without homes or something. (Even bigger Yay!!) Then only a few months ago I got a letter in the mail with a huge red stamp on it that said “State Prison Property” that scared me a little. Then I looked at the name in the return address and it said Justin Nimmer, which made me confused. I open the letter and he explains all this stuff that doesn’t really explain anything, but whatever. He then has a list of 20 questions and I’m supposed to reply with my answers and 20 of my own questions. So I sent him 2 letters and received 3 since the last one I was to send never got sent because I had forgotten about it….and I haven’t heard from him since. (not that I care)
The reason I tell you this is because one of my questions was “When do you get out?” and he replied “September 30, 2009″, which happens to be tomorrow so it’s kind of terrifying to me since I haven’t seen him in years the next time I do it will be after he just got out of PRISON! but it’s ok because hopefully he’ll get out and not come here maybe he’ll just forget all about it……I hope… anyway thanks for listening.

Sara